My Birth Story

After 39 weeks and two days of pregnancy, my son made his grand entrance on Friday, June 26th, at 8:18 a.m. In stereotypical mom fashion, I'm finally getting around to reflecting on his birth nearly a month and a half afterward as I sneak in a few minutes for myself during nap time in between pumping, washing bottles, and taking a quick shower. 

Note: it took me three times sitting down at my computer before I could write down his entire birth story and three months before I finally hit publish. So get ready, it's a long one.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the months leading up to his arrival. Pregnancy, from a scientific standpoint, is a mind-blowing experience. The fact that mere cells turned into the little human I can now cuddle in my arms is wild. The fact that I grew a living being inside of me is unfathomable. I still can't believe it. 

It's been a very surreal experience. If you had told me a year ago that this is my life now, I wouldn't have believed you. From finding out I was pregnant and navigating through three trimesters is one of the craziest adventures I've ever experienced, it's been a fascinating ride.

The actual event of his birth seems so minuscule in comparison to the months leading up to the day and the weeks that have followed. For the sake of remembering as much as I can between the baby brain and the mom brain, I want to document as much as I can about the 14-ish hours of labor. So please, indulge me.

Throughout my pregnancy, I was so curious about labor and delivery. I scoured the internet for birth stories. I asked any mom that was willing to share their experience with me what it was like. Epidural or natural? Over or under 40 weeks? How many hours of labor?

Even more so, I got absorbed in learning about the postpartum period. You hear so much about the baby and how to care for them post-birth, but what about us moms? What is the postpartum period like for us? Will I recover faster from a natural birth vs. a medicated birth? Who's going to care for me while I care for a newborn?

I never did find answers to many of my questions. Everyone's experience is vastly different and uniquely their own. It took living through it to know what was best for my baby and my recovery. You live and you learn, I guess. 

I feel I owe it to current and expecting moms to share my story because I sought out so much information from others and appreciated the transparency where I could find it. 

My labor and delivery will look completely different from your experience and other moms you talk to because it is mine and mine alone. Your experience will be 100% tailored to you, your needs, and your wants. But if sharing what I went through and how I felt through the most challenging event in my life thus far helps another person, then I'm happy to do my part as a new member of the parenting community.

Without further ado, here's how I met my son.

Wednesday, June 24th: 39-Week Doctor's Appointment

At my 39 week check-up, I was met with the same news I had received the weeks before. I was only about one centimeter dilated and around 50% to 70% effaced. Not a lot of progress had been made. I knew from researching on the internet and various baby forums that this information actually meant nothing. Women range from barely being dilated before going into labor, while others are three centimeters dilated for weeks before labor begins. It's more of a mental thing to know that you are progressing in the direction of labor week over week vs. a tried and true way to tell that contractions are soon to come. 

During this visit, I asked the doctor for what felt like the millionth time what contractions felt like and what I should expect. It was again that they would tell me that I'll just know when it happens. My stomach will get hard, and they'll become more frequent and painful. In fact, he told me that I was actually having a contraction at that very moment. But what he classified as a contraction to me felt like my stomach was hardening, which I believed to be a Braxton Hicks contraction (i.e., a practice contraction). 

The definition of what to expect in regards to contractions was clear as mud. Basically, where I landed is that they feel different to everyone. There is no hard and fast rule as to what to expect. Many experience pain in their back or a wave that rushes over them. I felt zero back pain throughout my labor and delivery, and my contractions were more like a flash flood than a rolling wave (but more on that later). 

I left the appointment, expecting to be back the following week for a 40-week visit. 

The 24 Hours Following

After my appointment and cervical check, I experienced period-like cramps. This was nothing new. I had felt these cramps over the past month and was told they were likely Braxton Hicks contractions. They didn't hurt, they didn't increase in pain, and I couldn't time them, so I thought nothing of it. Also, cramping is common after cervical checks. Membrane sweeps can also trigger this type of pain or contractions, but I didn't opt for a sweep, nor was I offered one by my doctor during my pregnancy.

Thursday, June 25th: The Afternoon

Around 4 or 5 p.m., I thought I felt the period cramps getting slightly stronger. They still weren't painful, but I had a feeling they were coming more regularly. Still thinking I'd be pregnant for a while longer, I didn't think much of it. After I finished work for the day, Doug and I went for a 30-minute walk in hopes of "walking the baby out" as we had with no luck almost daily in the previous weeks.

During the walk, I had a feeling the cramps were coming more frequently to the point that I thought I could time them. Again, I wasn't in pain and still wouldn't have deemed them to be, by textbook standards, contractions. I began to make dinner when we decided that maybe for kicks, we should time the cramps. I truly thought they were irregular and pretty short.

Thursday, June 25th: 6:30 p.m. to 10:30 p.m.

For the next three hours, we made and ate dinner, watched tv, and hung out at home. I'd tell Doug, "Something's happening," and he'd track it on the contraction timer app we downloaded, and then I'd let him know when I thought it was done. I was shocked when after an hour of timing, Doug informed me that the "cramps" were five minutes apart, varying from 30 to 45 seconds long. It turns out these cramps were actually contractions and the start of labor. 

I had zero warning. I always heard that contractions would start 10 or 30 minutes apart. Mine were five minutes apart from the get-go. It looked like I may be having this baby sooner rather than later. 

Still not in any pain, we decided to call the triage nurse at 9:30 p.m. to see what we should do. Knowing that first-time moms are usually in labor longer, I didn't want to get to the hospital any sooner than I had to, and honestly, I was tired and wanted to go to sleep. I figured she'd tell me to hang tight and maybe go to the hospital in the morning. Boy, was I wrong. 

She said it sounded like I was in active labor and I should head to the hospital. I thought I had time to gather my last minute hospital bag items and take a shower. She told me that they expect laboring mothers to arrive within the hour. So Doug and I hurried up, gathering anything we thought we'd need and notifying my sister that we were headed to the hospital so she could be prepared to watch after our dogs. 

I stopped for a brief moment in our living room to hug Doug and take in the last time we'd be in the house, just the two of us. I stole a quick kiss, and off we went.

Thursday, June 25th: 11:00 p.m.

When we arrived at the hospital, we were sent to triage to see how far along I was. It turns out, I was still only 1 to 2 centimeters dilated and about 70% effaced. They told us we had two options: we could walk around for an hour or two and try to escalate labor, or I could go home and labor. 

At this point, I was pretty sure that this baby was coming soon (or more so I was done being pregnant, and I was going to make him come soon), and going home was not an option. We started walking the halls of the hospital.

It took all of 18 minutes before the pain became unmanageable, and I had to stop and brace myself to breathe through the contractions. They came on quick like a bad brain freeze. Barely giving me enough time for my hands to grab onto a railing or Doug's hand before they went white-knuckled from the intensity of my grip. If you ask Doug, he'll tell you I was barely squeezing, but I seriously thought I was going to hurt him.

Once we got back to the triage room, the nurses rechecked my progress and said I was around three to four centimeters dilated. They checked with the doctor and began the process to admit me to the hospital. It was time to have this baby.

The admission process felt like it took forever. It was likely the pain of the contractions, but the two hours from 11:00 p.m. until I made it to a labor and delivery room at 1:00 a.m. were the worst. My contractions were 100% in the front of my uterus, similar to where you'd feel period cramps. I would get zero warning before the line on the cardiotocograph machine spiked 90 degrees straight up.

The pain was so intense, and unlike anything I've ever experienced. I couldn't focus or think about anything else besides the pain. I was lucky if I could even remember to breathe. (Thankfully, Doug and the nurses helped to remind me.) Instead of one intense contraction, mine came in waves of around three at a time. They would come on so strong, then give me a few seconds of relief before they'd spike back up again. It was excruciating.

I went into the childbirth process with an open mind. I knew it would happen how it was meant to, but I always assumed I'd get an epidural. The extent of my birth plan was to have a healthy baby and a healthy mom through whatever means were needed to make that happen. I was thinking I could possibly go natural if the pain wasn't too bad (which between contractions, it wasn't). I was fortunate enough that my body went into labor on its own and seemed to be progressing nicely. I went into the experience knowing I'd know what to do in the moment. So when they asked me in the triage room if I wanted an epidural when I got to my room, I immediately said yes.

In those two hours I spent in triage, I also had to sign paperwork, which is just about impossible when you can barely see straight, and also get tested for COVID-19. Giving birth during a global pandemic wasn't as bad as you would imagine. The nurses and doctors were amazing. The main difference was that I was only allowed one visitor for my entire stay, and they had to be screened (i.e., temperature checked) any time they left and came back from the hospital. The test itself, while awkward and uncomfortable, was nothing in comparison to the contractions. It felt like I had water stuck up my nose for a few minutes, and I quickly forgot about the discomfort as soon as my next contraction came along. 

Once all the administrative work was completed, I was on my way to a room.

Friday, June 26th: 1:00 a.m.

We arrived at the room around 1:00 a.m., and fortunately, the anesthesiologist shortly followed. The idea of an epidural is pretty daunting when you think about the fact that someone is shoving a huge needle into your back to thread a catheter down your spine, but in the moment, it sounded like a cakewalk in comparison to my contractions. 

The process of administering the epidural only took about five minutes, and the effects took place almost immediately. Let me tell you it was MAGICAL. PURE MAGIC. The pain of the contractions disappeared. We could see huge spikes on the cardiotocograph machine, but I felt nothing. 10/10 would highly recommend it. 

Prior to that day, I was nervous about being bedridden for hours and the possibility that it would slow down labor. But at the time, I would have done almost anything to relieve the pain. Once I was numb, it was an interesting sensation. My legs felt like they were asleep, but if I told my brain to move them, I could. So while I was numb, I wasn't immobile. I could still adjust myself in the bed.

Once I was as pain-free as I'd be until I started to push, the nurses told me to try to get some rest and that they'd be in to check on me every thirty minutes or so.

Friday, June 26th: 2:00 a.m.

Not even thirty minutes after I received the epidural and merely minutes after the nurses left, I felt a gush. Many people online and in baby forums describe their water breaking as a gush. In the weeks leading up to my labor, I was convinced that my water was leaking in sort of a trickle (don't worry, it wasn't). So when I felt a gush in the bed, I told Doug, "I think my water just broke," and I pressed the call button for the nurse. 

Sure enough, after testing some of the fluid, they confirmed it did. Since I had the epidural, I was stuck in bed. So they cleaned me up while I continued to rest and dilate. 

Friday, June 26th: 2:30 a.m. - 7:00 a.m. ish

The time between 2:00 a.m. and 7:00 a.m. is a little fuzzy. I remember the order of events, but not the exact timestamp. I mean, it was literally the middle of the night.

Sometime after my water broke, they came in to set up my catheter. I have to admit I was the least excited about this part. Not only did it sound uncomfortable, but getting it inserted while I was awake just sounded downright unpleasant. But because of the epidural, I'm pleased to report I felt nothing. The nurse who set it up (and every nurse for that matter) was awesome. They were so sweet and nurturing throughout the entire labor and delivery process, which is great considering it's pretty awkward to be spread eagle every thirty minutes for a complete stranger.

After the catheter was inserted, about 100 ml of pee came flooding out. No joke, the nurse said she'd never seen so much pee so quickly. I had no idea I even had to go.

Once my bladder was emptied, I dilated from 4 centimeters to 8 centimeters pretty quickly. The nurses continued to check on me every half an hour, but they didn't always check my dilation. I did my best to rest but was pretty unsuccessful. 

This time period was pretty uneventful. I rested and dilated. Doug was able to take a nap. And we waited.

Around 5:00 a.m., a nurse came in with a peanut ball to help me loosen my hips to get me ready to push. It wasn't time yet, but laying with my hips open would help prepare me. The ball was so big and awkward shaped that it was pretty awkward to maneuver in the hospital bed. I wrangled with the peanut ball for about an hour before they set it aside.

Friday, June 26th: 7:00 a.m. 

Just when I was getting used to the nurses and the doctor on call and getting ready to push, it was time for a shift change. A new nurse came in at 7:00 a.m. at the start of her shift to help coach me through pushing. They told me that first-time moms could push for hours before actually delivering. 

While very exciting in movies, this part was pretty anticlimactic until the last 15 or 20 minutes. The nurse coached me to push for ten seconds three times in a row through each contraction. Since I was numb, she would tell me when they were coming. She and Doug would hold my legs, I would bare down basically like I was pooping, and then I was done until the next contraction. Push, push, push, and then we'd chat about kids and hobbies until the next contraction came. 

Surprisingly, the first hour went pretty quickly. I even got to see my pushing progress in a full-length mirror after some persuading from Doug and the nurse to check it out. Prior to delivery, I was very set on the fact that I did not want to see it. I'll admit, though, it was pretty cool. But after a few pushes, it was distracting, and I had them take it away.

After the first hour, I could start to feel the pressure of his head moving down the birth canal. Then I was able to feel when a contraction was coming on. It wasn't as painful as the contractions were before the epidural, but I felt uncomfortable pressure enough to the point where I knew something was happening. 

About five pushes before he arrived, the nurse pressed the doctor's call button, and almost immediately, a swarm of people entered the room. Before I delivered, I had no idea the nurses did most of the work, and the doctor only came in at the very end.

The last few pushes were the hardest. I couldn't even open my eyes because all I could focus on was the discomfort. I even grunted out a few sounds that I've never heard myself make before.

On my last set of three pushes, his head was out. I felt a huge wave of relief until the doctor asked me to push one more time to get his shoulders out (I completely forgot about those!).

Friday, June 26th: 8:18 a.m. 

And then, thirteen hours later, at 8:18 a.m., Graham Fitchard Doolen was born!

The entire process was so surreal. It still feels like a blurry dream. Immediately after he came out, they put him on my chest, and I tried to catch my breath. I could feel the blood and placenta flowing out of me, while not painful, definitely an odd sensation. Doug and I exchanged loving looks as we took in the first glimpse of our son. There truly is nothing like it. 

Over the next hour, the doctor stitched up my second-degree tear, they gave me a fundal massage (literally the most painful "massage" you could ever receive), and we gave breastfeeding a go. He latched pretty quickly. 

But shortly after arriving home, I'd switch to exclusive pumping, because while they said he latched well, he destroyed my nipples. It was too uncomfortable and challenging to continue exclusively breastfeeding.

They eventually took Graham to get cleaned up, weighed, and measured before they'd bring him back to us. 

I'm still in disbelief that we have a child. Its nuts to me how what started as a few cells can now be held in my arms. 

The journey into motherhood has been exhausting and overwhelming, but the sweet moments with him make it worth it. I love him more than I could have ever imagined. It's a love that is almost impossible to describe until you experience it yourself. It's unconditional and beautiful. 

And now, I strap myself in for the wild ride of parenthood because this is only the beginning.